When you know exactly what you want but can’t seem to reach it - Meet Sarah, a case study.
A coaching profile • All identifying details changed to protect client privacy and honour confidentiality. •
This is a real-life example from a client I coached 3 years ago. We spent 4 coaching sessions together.
Some people come to coaching not quite sure what’s wrong. Others know exactly what’s missing, and that can feel even harder. When you can picture the life you want but just can’t seem to get there, it can feel really frustrating. That’s where ‘Sarah’ was when she reached out.
“I don’t like my life. I know what I want. I just don’t know why I can’t get there.”
Who Sarah is:
Sarah is in her forties. She is self-aware and knows who she wants to be. She loves to laugh and dreams of performing comedy (her passion). She wants a loving, committed relationship. Health friendships.
She was carrying a lot: a sick pet, a friend with cancer, a falling-out with another friend, and her body felt out of balance.
She had support. She went to therapy before and had people who cared about her. But she still felt stuck. She tried to comfort herself with food and Netflix, but it didn’t help. She felt like she was going in circles and didn’t know how to get out.
The real challenges beneath the surface
In our first session, we looked at Sarah’s current challenges. The Wheel of Life was a helpful tool I used to create a more visual representation of where Sarah was. We reviewed different areas of her life. At the time, none of the areas felt good to her. The struggles weren’t just about practical things. They went much deeper.
What I noticed:
A nervous system in survival mode
Sarah’s go-to responses to stress were emotional eating, numbing with Netflix, and avoiding talking to her friend.
This is an example where a nervous system is doing its best to cope without the right tools. Until the regulation piece was addressed, no amount of planning or goal-setting was going to stick.
The ‘I’m not enough’ story is running in the background.
Beneath the surface of every area we looked at (relationships, creativity, health, consistency), we discovered a belief: that the things she most wanted were for other people, not for her. She had never been ‘allowed’ to be okay. Fear of claiming more for herself was keeping her exactly where she was.
Rebelling against structure
Sarah knew she needed consistency. She also resisted it at every turn. It’s a very common pattern: someone has learned, consciously or unconsciously, that wanting things for themselves leads to disappointment or shame. The rebellion against routine was self-protection.
A relationship pattern that kept repeating
Sarah had a clear, beautiful vision of the relationship she wanted: emotionally mature, securely attached, mutually committed, full of genuine connection. And she kept attracting the opposite. Younger men. Unavailable partners. Casual situationships she’d stay in too long, hoping they’d transform.
What the coaching focused on
In the coaching sessions with Sarah, we addressed all of the above as they emerged through conversation.
We didnt go into the past, childhood or any traumas. We talked about what was going on for her and discovered different layers to her challenges.
We addressed her nervous system, her self-worth, and the unconscious stories that were quietly running the show.
Although Sarah was pretty self-aware, sometimes those challenges show up in different nuances or situations. Become a blind spot. And through coaching, we were able to shed light on it, allowing for more conscious decisions moving forward.
Early signs of a shift
By session two, Sarah was already noticing moments of feeling more regulated, a small but significant shift. She’d completed her regulating practises twice/week and could feel the difference, even if she couldn’t yet fully let herself enjoy it.
That ‘not being able to enjoy it yet’ is actually one of the most telling moments in coaching. It tells you the nervous system has begun to shift, but the identity (‘I’m not someone who gets to feel okay’) hasn’t caught up yet. That’s where the real coaching work deepens.
When she was triggered in session three by a friend’s news, we used the session for grounding and regulation rather than strategy. That is coaching meeting someone where they are, not where you planned for them to be. At the end of the session, she had some AHA moments, and we moved forward with a plan and steps to integrate into her life.
What this case illustrates
Sarah’s story is one I see in many forms. Intelligent, self-aware people who know what they want, have done the reading, were in therapy, and are still stuck. That's because we can't think it all through. A holistic and somatic approach was necessary for Sarah. My background in breathwork, the nervous system, and meditation allows me to bring knowledge and experience to better support my clients in coaching.
When Sarah finished her coaching session (one session every 2 weeks), she felt much better. She felt more inner calm when starting to regularly soothe her nervous system. She was able to resolve her issue with her friend by setting a healthy boundary. And she started to have more fulfilling dating experiences after becoming aware of some old stories.
With greater awareness and understanding of her nervous system, how it shows up, and by working through some limiting beliefs and blocks, she was able to make more informed decisions and put them into practice.
Does this resonate with where you are?
If you recognise yourself in any part of Sarah's story (the knowing-doing gap), the resistance to structure, the feeling that the life you want is somehow ‘for other people’, then let's start with a discovery call. No commitment, no pressure. Just a conversation.
Warmly,
Cornelia
